Greenside locals were shaken last night after a UFO ploughed straight into the infamous gay nightclub [redacted] on Greenside Place. Witnesses say they thought it was part of a drag show gone horribly wrong until the smoke and amyl cleared. A being emerged from the wreckage, described as kind of messed up but in c***y way. Local drag queen Shirley Knot alleges it stole her wig AND her vape, but this cannot be confirmed. An extraterrestrial clown show that asks, can you teach this alien how to be human?